don't know. I really don't. I've felt very stressed and confused all day. I just don't know why! Or at least, can't seem to explain it. A lot of stuff is going to be going on in my life.
I start two college classes this week, and I'll be fully into the new school year. It's my senior year, and I'm nervous. I'm doing this workbook where I have all these questions designed to make me think and discover gods purpose for my life. It's very deep and thought provoking, so it's something that's hard for me. I just don't know what to think. So much is going on in my life right and I don't know what to think of it all. I'm wondering what it is that God is going to have me do for his purpose. I'm worried about the workload I'm going to have. I'm upset that I still cannot communicate well, and that's just really driving me up the wall.
There are things I want to say, but I don't know how to say them. If I do say something, I worry about how it'll be perceived, and I continue to do so until someone tells me it was fine.
Don't I have anything uplifting to say? Besides just complaining about my stupid problems? I guess not. Looking over this post, it's really just a repeat of stuff I have said already. Sigh. Why?
I just want what I say to be meaningful. When I'm around friends, I want to be thought of as a serious person....or at least someone that can be serious....but it's hard...it's hard to be that way when saying the right words come so difficult to me.....it's doesn't help when I constantly worry about how the words I say will be perceived. It doesn't help that I feel like people will be mad at me or at least think lower of me because This is hard for me. I want to be a good friend.
It doesn't help at all. I know I'm supposed to pray about it, but I've always worried. I used to worry myself sick. Completely stopping worrying isn't something that's going to go away. Worrying is something I struggle with. Worrying is not trusting god. Worrying is a sin, and it's something I do too frequently. I need to trust god, and that's something I'll definitely be praying about it.
Perhaps I'm trying to do too many things at once. Is that it? I don't know. I have to be at church early, so I should probably stop this post. I appreciate all the people that read this blog, it means a lot.
Josh
First off, let me tell you that you're completely normal. Every teenager is chockfull of emotions they don't know what to do with. They come from everywhere, and so many things are gonig on that you don't have time to learn how to deal with them. SO, we stuff them, and bottle them down, or twist them so they'll be what we want them to be. Really, it'll just take time. Honestly, we are scientifically inept to deal with our emotions yet. So try not to worry too much about that.
ReplyDeleteSecond, you are very normal. Everybody worries about what they do and what they say. We did an exercise in Sunday School this morning where everybody wrote down on a paper what they thought about most and put it into a basket. The thing people said the most was other peoples' opinions. Believe it or not, worrying about how what you say will be taken is a form of concern for other peoples' opinions of you.
Lastly, you need to remember that you're not alone in this. You've got great friends that you can go to, but above all, know that people can't help you out of every situation. Sometimes you have to work things out with God. Talk to Him outloud. Just tell Him everything, then sit back and be quiet. Try not to think about anything, just relax and put everything on Him. Maybe there won't be any flashing lights or writing on the wall, but He will calm your soul. Peace is God telling you that He's got it all under control. Sometimes you need a moment of stillness to remember that.
Also, there's something else you have to remind yourself now and then (I know I do). Ask yourself why you're on this earth. "To glorify God and enjoy Him forever". In other words, it's not all about you! The way something you said will be taken isn't going to shake the course of the universe. You have to let things go. Mess up, and move on. There'll be a kajillion mistakes in your life, but what you can do is learn from them and then try not to repeat them.
I know that's a lot to take in, but I hope you'll take some redeeming element from it. :P Pingas.
Hey! This is Aerli from OYAN. I want you to know that you're totally normal. Words don't come easily to me either. I'm stressed about school and when that happens, I can't focus well. (I should be doing biology now. :P)
ReplyDeleteAnd worrying isn't a sin. We all worry. I'm worried about school. Parents worry about their jobs. Kids about friends, presidents/kings about their countries. It's natural. We all worry.
I'm praying for you and hopefully you'll feel better soon about everything. Try and just take some deep breaths. Take a break from whatever's worrying you for a few minutes and do something that helps you to relax. When you feel fresh, go back to it but try and look at it from a different perspective. Like, try to look at the whole picture and pace yourself. Take a few minutes to write up a list (I know it helps me feel organized and it's so wonderful to just cross things off the list)and accomplish them one by one. It'll feel good; you'll feel better.
And just take some time to pray. Like, five minutes straight, just ask Jesus for help. Tell Him what your problems are (even though He knows) and ask Him to help you through it. Ask Him to give you strength and just keep going.
I know you'll do well and things will get better. This is just one of those rough spots in life. It will get better. :)
I know it might seem like a bunch of words, but if you read that, hopefully it'll help you. XD But just know that you're in my prayers.
~Aerli
P.S.
If people are mad at you (like on the forum) it's not your fault. It's theirs for posting a bunch of junk even though you told them not to. You're an epic moderator. Keep up the ood work!