Sunday, June 24, 2012
WHY
I don't have anything to say other than I am incredibly angry and frusturated with my self...
I hate this...why do I get this way??? Why can't I stop worrying? Why do I have to think that people won't like me anymore when I'm this way...why do haveto worry so much..why can't I ever be satisfied? Why? WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!?!?!?
I'm so mad at myself...I talk about myself too much, I spend to much time being anxious, I spend to much time worrying, and when I'm like this I feel so incredibly awful afterwards....I don't know..I'm just so angry at myself right now...
I wish trusting in god came easier to me...but I just worry too much...i can't calm down and do that....why do things have to be easier said than done?
Oh how I wish I could just all of a sudden just trust in god and make all my worries go away.... But I can't. It's something that's going to require me to remember me that gods always in control no matter what, and that he won't let go.
I can't even make sense of anything. I have such a hard time trying to make my words make sense...sure I can type all these great things..., but I utterly fail talking to anyone in person...I do..and I hate it.
Im just mad at myself right now. I've been up since 6 and I need to go bed...I need to pray...I also need encouragement....I don't know....
Jdg
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I have been through a lot of cycles of that feeling.
ReplyDeleteA few things that have helped me:
1. When you're staying up late feeling restless and frustrated... GO TO SLEEP.
2. Read the bible, often and attentively.
3. Cut down on TV shows, movies, secular books, even all books if you feel the need, and just media in general for a while.
4. Change how you're living for a bit. If you're at home all the time, get out and about. If you're constantly doing stuff, find some quiet time.
5. Write down what you're feeling and thinking, so that you can look at it later.
6. Socialize with other Christians, especially if you haven't been.
7. Talk to wise people, like parents and pastors.
8. Above all, talk to God. Constantly, whatever you're thinking, address it to God. And then try to be open for replies, and be patient.
Worrying: Everyone worries. It isn't really something that you can stop doing by choice... You can't just say "Wow, I need to stop worrying!" and have it magically happen. Nope.
ReplyDeleteTalking about yourself: Everyone does that, especially if you're kind of socially anxious. It isn't your fault... For the most part, it's how most conversations go. Person A: Oh, I did this... Person B: Wow, that reminds me of something I did! Person A: Cool. How did that work out? Person B: Pretty well! How about you?
Trusting in God: Kind of doesn't seem to come easily for anyone. I mean, it didn't even come easily to Adam and Eve. Why should it come easily for us?
Usually for me, it works to just take a deep breath, remind myself that it's going to be okay, that God has a plan, and that no matter how terrible I feel and no matter what happens, it's all according to plan. It's not easy to believe, and sometimes I don't want to believe it... And it's not like a magical "WOW. God is in control! I FEEL FANTASTIC!". It just can help when you feel like, really terrible.
Talking to people IRL: Don't worry. I know a lot of people like that too... Especially if you're shy/social awkward, or if you're an introvert, it can be hard to talk to people and use your words to describe something. Why do you think so many introverts are authors? It's the way we communicate to the world.
I mean, we can express ourselves. But if you compare your expressions via talking to that of someone else, it's going to suffer. Example: I can express how I feel quite well in speech.... But... It takes me about five times longer than most people, and I'm WAY better at it in writing. It's just how some people work... Especially if you have some sort of social thing (which isn't necessarily a fault. There are a LOT of wonderful people who have some sort of social anxiety or something. 'Social anxiety' sounds bad, but it's just a name).
For what it's worth, I think you're an amazing person, and I don't think you should be as mad at yourself as you are. You're really quite awesome online, and I bet you are in real life as well. :)
I tend to be afraid that God is going to allow something to happen in my life that will require that I trust Him. Something bad, perhaps REALLY bad. But actually, this is totally wrong. Everything that happens to us is for a reason. God has a bigger picture in mind, and no matter the circumstances in which we live, He has a beautiful future for us. Trust doesn't come easy, especially when you hear of bad things that happen to other people. In comparison to some, our lives are perfect! This week, I've heard some of the saddest stories I've ever heard, but instead of thinking that God could just as soon have something that bad happen in my life, I thought about how fortunate I was to have great friends, family, and a stable home. Not to mention that the very negative experiences that the others went through only acted to bring us closer together.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I'm rambling...quite possibly, actually. I'm really tired right now. I was lying on my bed a few minutes ago with screaming children running through my room and Phineas and Ferb playing in the living room (my mom is seriously obsessed). Anyway, I don't remember the point that I was trying to make, except that maybe it was to encourage you that nobody has it together. Even those perfect people have messed up lives, things they're struggling with. So yeah, take stuff to God, and don't give up trying to meet new people. That's one of the really great things about you. Don't let your tendency to be quiet inhibit you. :)
Stop your thoughts, still your heart, listen to God's voice. Not every relationship out there is worth pursuing or beating yourself up over. Not every word out there is worth listening to. But every thing, or person, that God gives you is so worth holding on to. Have faith, be rich in prayer, and know that you have friends and a powerful God behind you.
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